Engaging in discussions with parents about daily stress can significantly aid adolescents in managing their problems, particularly during the transition to middle school when they confront new peer and academic challenges. However, the location of these conversations is a crucial factor. Research conducted at the esteemed University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign aimed to identify the typical settings for mother-child conversations and the locations preferred by both parties.
The study, which was conducted with the participation of 100 diverse fifth-grade students and their mothers, involved discussions about recent peer and academic problems. Subsequently, the participants were interviewed separately to determine their preferred locations for these conversations. The focus on mothers and children was due to the fact that mothers typically spend more time with their children, making their influence on the conversation environment significant.
They identified seven favorite spots: the house in general, the youth’s bedroom, the kitchen, the living room, the parent’s bedroom, the car, and the outdoor spaces.
Youth often mentioned the house, especially their bedroom, kitchen, and living room, as safe and comfortable places for conversation. They preferred their bedroom for privacy and the kitchen or living room for family input.
Mothers preferred the kitchen, the youth’s bedroom, and the car for conversations. Mothers liked talking in the car because side-by-side conversations felt more accessible and less intimidating than face-to-face talks.
Researchers observed that mothers like to talk most in the car during pickups or trips because it’s private. However, kids didn’t favor the car, possibly because it felt more controlled by parents.
The boys mentioned outdoor spaces, such as playing ball or walking the dog. Family size also influenced preferences. Only children liked the living room, while kids with siblings often preferred the parents’ bedroom for privacy. Families liked talking in places that were part of their routines, like mealtimes for group talks and bedtime for private chats.
According to lead author Dina Izenstark, an associate professor at San José State University who conducted the research as a doctoral student in HDFS. Moms have been doing these things for a long time, like asking about their child’s day at bedtime or during dinner. These kids are still young, so this might change as they become teenagers, but the foundation for these talks is set.
The study mainly included higher-income families, so the results may only apply to some. Finding time and space for private talks might differ in homes where parents work late shifts, have small spaces, or have multiple siblings.
Izenstark said, “We have to tailor our advice and rethink what it looks like for families in various circumstances. Every family is going to have its pattern of moving through the day and its rituals and routines, but we know that environmental setting matters and it is important for families to select a place to talk that both the child and the parent prefer as a way to more meaningfully connect with one another.”
Journal reference:
- Dina Izenstark, Janet Y. Bang et al., An Exploration of the Environmental Setting Mothers and Early Adolescent Youth Prefer to Have Conversations About Daily Stressors. Journal of Early Adolescence. DOI: 10.1177/02724316241240111.
